1. Homosexuality is unnatural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control. 2. Homosexual marriages are not valid because it is impossible for homosexual intercourse to produce children, which is why elderly and infertile couples also cannot legally marry. After all, the world needs more children. 3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents raise only straight children. 4. Heterosexual marriages, like Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage, will become less meaningful if gay marriage is legalized. 5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; wives are the legal property of their husbands, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal. 6. The right to gay marriage should be decided by the people, not by the courts, since, as we all know, it is the majority-elected legislatures, not the courts, which have historically protected the rights of minority groups. 7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country, which is why we have only one religion in America. 8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging out with tall people will make one tall. 9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of other crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, since dogs have legal standing, and can sign a marriage contract. 10. Children can never succeed in life without a male and female role model at home, which is why single parents are forbidden to raise children. 11. The legalization of gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it would be impossible for our society to adapt to such radical change, in the same way it has failed in the past to adapt to cars and longer lifespans. 12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name, are better, since "separate but equal" institutions have been shown, in the past, to be fair and constitutional. Separate schools for African Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will. * close this window * go back to the website